Personal Essays
Stupid Woman
The Rumpus: Enough Column | December 14, 2021
I Made it to a Denny’s in White Fish, Montana
You Might Need to Hear This | September 24, 2021
My Son Has ADHD–And So Do I
P.S. I Love You | May 28, 2021
Humor/Satire
YELP Review of My Therapeutic Boarding School
The Satirist | March 7, 2022
Lyrics John Mellencamp Considered Before Landing on “Suckin’ on a Chili Dog Outside the Tastee Freeze”
The Belladonna | February 19, 2022
Could Someone Help Me Out of This Well?
Slackjaw | July 28, 2021
10 Unique Ways to Use the American Flag to Prove Your Superior Patriotism This 4th of July!
2 Ho Ho Ho’s | July 4, 2021
Is Cindy a Better Parent Than You? A Research Paper
Points in Case | June 2, 2021
An Update From Your Principal RE: What a Great Job We’re Doing With the Hybrid Learning Scheduling
Frazzled | March 19, 2021
A Sweet Sixteen of Things That Are More Likely to Happen to You Than Picking a Perfect Bracket
Points in Case | March 15, 2021
They Said “Vote!” But I Thought They Said “Boat!” And Now I’m Lost At Sea
Greener Pastures | October 29, 2020
The Best Ways to Reduce Bone Loss for Women (Who Seem to Keep Losing Their Bones!)
The Belladonna | October 23, 2020
Now That I’ve Started Using a Bidet I Realize That My Butthole is Never Where I Think it is
Points in Case | October 1, 2020
No Judgment, Girl! It’s 2020!
Frazzled | September 3, 2020
Parenting and Shit (A Parenting Book) by Shannon Carpenter, Jen Freymond, and Lucie Frost
Points in Case | August 17, 2020
I’m Proud My Gated Country Club Community is in Such a Diverse City
Flexx | July 23, 2020
Inspirational Phrases I Think My Middle School Basketball Coach Got Wrong
Robot Butt | July 6, 2020
I Wish People Thought of Me as More Than Just the Girl Who was Raised by Wolves
Slackjaw | July 3, 2020
Bigfoot Gives a Whitehouse Press Briefing on Mail-in Ballot Voter Fraud
Little Old Lady Comedy | June 22, 2020
One Last Candidate to Add to the Ring
Weekly Humorist | March 10, 2020
Happy New Year From Carol and the Boys
Robot Butt | January 3, 2020
I Will Not Let Impostor Syndrome Get Me Down Just Because I’m an Actual Impostor
Points in Case | November 11, 2019
I Am a Childbirth Warrior. Also, Has Anyone Seen My Taint?
The Belladonna | September 24, 2019
Jesus Christ Shot Dead By Florida Man Under The Impression Jesus Was White
Little Old Lady Comedy | July 12, 2019
So, Your Kid Has Sharted
Little Old Lady Comedy | September 27, 2019
I Just Think Black Women Should Be Nicer to Me About Racism
The Offing | June 20, 2019
An Open Letter to Everyone Sharing Their Wisdom About How to Cure My Depression
McSweeney’s | May 30, 2019